Those Advice from My Parent That Helped Us when I became a Brand-New Parent

"I think I was merely in survival mode for the first year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the demands of being a father.

However the reality quickly proved to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health problems during the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into becoming her primary caregiver while also taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I took on all the nights, each diaper… each outing. The duty of mother and father," Ryan explained.

After nearly a year he reached burnout. That was when a conversation with his parent, on a park bench, that made him realise he needed help.

The direct statement "You are not in a healthy space. You require some help. What can I do to assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and start recovering.

His situation is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. Although society is now more comfortable talking about the stress on mothers and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the difficulties fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan feels his challenges are linked to a broader reluctance to talk amongst men, who continue to internalise harmful notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and doesn't fall every time."

"It isn't a display of being weak to request help. I didn't do that soon enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not justified to be asking for help" - particularly in preference to a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental health is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the space to take a break - spending a short trip away, outside of the family home, to see things clearly.

He realised he needed to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions alongside the practical tasks of caring for a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -holding her hand and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son to better grasp the expression of emotional life and understand his decisions as a father.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked reliable male guidance. Despite having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, profound trauma caused his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "bad decisions" when younger to change how he was feeling, finding solace in drink and drugs as a way out from the pain.

"You gravitate to substances that aren't helpful," he notes. "They may temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Strategies for Coping as a New Father

• Open up to someone - if you feel swamped, speak to a trusted person, your spouse or a professional how you're feeling. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the pursuits that helped you to feel like you before having a baby. This might be exercising, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical stuff - nutritious food, staying active and where possible, sleep, all play a role in how your mind is faring.
• Spend time with other new dads - sharing their experiences, the challenges, along with the joys, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that asking for help does not mean you've failed - taking care of you is the optimal method you can look after your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead offer the stability and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the frustrations constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men since they faced their pain, altered how they communicate, and figured out how to control themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, sometimes I think my purpose is to guide and direct you on life, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning an equal amount as you are through this experience."